New Element Discovered
A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element
yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named Administratium.
Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded
by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However,it can be detected
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would
normally take less than a day.
Administratium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay but instead
undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s
mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes. This moron promoting characteristic has lead some
scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
You’ll know it when you see it.